I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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