i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
