May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
