Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
