Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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