Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize