ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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