Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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