I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
