We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
