Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
