I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
