the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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