i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
