I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
