Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
