don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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