new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
