I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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