Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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