sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
