I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
