So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.