I think my vagina is haunted
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?