What a fucking waste of an outfit
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.