DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I touched a dick in church today