I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
