Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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