The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
