I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
