very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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