Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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