"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
