Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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