God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
