apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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