Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
