at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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