Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She bit a glass in half.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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