I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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