Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
