Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
