Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I died a long time ago.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
