Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
