walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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