my vag is so smooth its legendary
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
