This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
