I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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