i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
