3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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