I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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