dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
