Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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