My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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