you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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