I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
