First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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