Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
