I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
