I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
