Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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