We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
