this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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