the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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