His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
