I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
